Holiday Heartache

How to survive the holidays after a death in the family.

I am sure anyone out there who has survived the holidays after a loved one passes is probably thinking well you just have to. I don't think there is any one way to cope. I know that ignoring the pain can be a solid answer but it is only a temporary answer for when the eggnog sets in the pain will surface again. I know that I personally have to hone my energies into another place and try to convert that emotional distress into some other more positive, therapeutic task. Some things I have done in the past to break the pain.

• first tendency is to just cry it out.  But if that does not help. 
• Paint something beautiful
• Blog something meaningful or inspirational
• Try to avoid grabbing the nearest punching bag
• Meditate (no really try it )
• Photo shop your heart out.  
• Remember the good times. 
• Think what that person would feel like if they know you were sad. 
• Join some contests.
• Write a book. 
• Make a web site. 
• Try to focus on a dream you have always had.  

 Remind yourself that its ok, to be happy again. When that person that was your lively hood or your reason for being has past away. Don't forget all the good advice they gave you. That is how you can keep them alive in your heart. Because they are not gone if you still hold onto the wisdom they instilled in you. Especially for those who have lost Parents and Grandparents.

It is a state of mind. Not to take the hollow feeling and bury it, but to build a little bridge in the soul so you can live with it. The water that flows under that bridge may be your tears and its ok to cry. Don't let your pain control you.
I actually am writing this to try to take my own advice. But if it were to help some sad people I know or don't know. It would be especially helpful to me to know that I could help.I guess the only thing worse than dealing with a loss of a loved one at the holidays is when you are in a particularly hard time in your life. Job issues and unemployment. Sales are low for some markets while others are booming so much that there is no time to breathe. This can be slow time for many business that are not retail.  My Grandpa once told me you can not ever be bored. Then he lectured me for a very long time about the hard times he lived through in the war. When he was shut into a tiny bunker with ten other men with no food and no way to  move for a week he told me, then you would know what bored was. I just looked at him when I was 6 years old and was like OK Gramps I am still BORED. lol. Moral of the story is these are the kinds of hard times that make my minor issues seem insignificant. Still it does not stop the frog in the throat or the pain in the chest that is associated with the grieving hearts club.

I love to commemorate my dead loved ones with making something that they loved. Like Grandma she loved Divinity. She would make it and send it to all the family. No matter how sad or upset I get I try not to fall into all out PITY PARTY mode but sometimes it just happens. It is never healthy to just mope all through the holidays so I guess that is why I am trying to vent this out via the World Wide Web. Sometimes its ok to just cry it out. It is not healthy to hold it in and bottle it up. For those of you who may be reading this because of a loved one that is grieving. Just know there is no time frame for the process to be over. There is a set amount of stages that they will go through.

 There are 5-7 stages of Grief.
1) Denial
2) Anger
3) Bargaining
4)Depression
5)Coping Reflection
6) Building Strength
7)Acceptance

http://www.recover-from-grief.com/7-stages-of-grief.html
http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief/000617


Just because you have reached acceptance does not mean that you will actually never feel the pain again. The stronger the love the more chance you will always feel that pain. Every now and then I have the luck to have a dream of Mom as she was like she is still alive and healthy. This can make my day for a few minutes when I wake up I forget that she is gone. It is as if she is still here with me. Then that harsh reality sets in that it was only a dream but I just have to be thankful it was a happy one. Not a sad one. The reality is that the steps of grief are not a one time occurrence, but with time they will go faster and sometimes it just a little inkling of pain and then that fabled acceptance that is just something that you have to do.

For all you out there hurting for their loved ones. Just get some hot chocolate and try to smile for today. We are still here and tomorrow we may not be.   
Live for today
Carde Diem

My Mother gave me this before she died as a Christmas gift knowing that one day soon I would be mourning her. It is hard to go forth but we have to try to be happy for the time that we have and not let the past or our own decisions rule us.

Often times I make art knowing I do not know the right path to take on most occasions. I enjoy painting and working on art that has a meaning. This one for me symbolizes the direction even if I am not sure which way to go I have something beautiful to look at to inspire me to move forward in what ever path I choose.



 Some of my other sites. 
http://www.zazzle.com/liquidartz
http://liquidartz.deviantart.com/