Fool me twice shame on me.
Fool me three times and just please leave me alone you back stabber.
I have burned that bridge and saged the house of your bad ju ju. Still sewing up the hole in my heart.
I don't know how many times that one person can burn you before you put your foot down and say no more. But when you have complete strangers reaching out to you saying things that are so dam wrong and not to mention RUDE. Soo none of their business. You just want to tell them off. You know that your dear friend has been talking shit behind your back again. Not even the first time or the second time. Instead of getting off their lazy but and standing in your shoes they choose to judge.
Then not only are they your friend but your kin too. Thine own heart can only take so much abuse.
should be
I am asking my dear bloggers if you have forgave multiple times. How many times do you allow your heart to be trampled on before you just wont do it anymore. When you are all alone and there is no one there for you. When your are grieving and not a dam soul cares (your hunny's there). Then you finally realize that there is no cushion for that callused feeling. Your Gay friend tells you not too lose faith in God. (the irony) You can't hardly trust new people because you been burned so many times before. Only my dear sisters and my hunny were there for me in my time of most devastation. When my heart was severed and my soul was warped I lost faith and there were so few people who would even answer the phone. I don't know why I care to continue to reach out to people who clearly do not care for me. NO MORE
Finally when their functions are coming up on this very day of their birth and I am to just forgive and forget even though strangers reached out to me to tell me things that only they could have repeated. I want to be there I want to forgive but at some point there is just no forgiving there unforgivable actions. Years ago I called my bff from high school because I had to have some good advice about this very same person... she told me I needed some better friends. Oh did that hurt, that hurts so bad to know that your friend and kin had gone to great lengths to talk shit about you.
WHEN YOU NEEDED THEM THE MOST. When I was so alone and carrying the world on my shoulders and on my birthday I did not want to be alone I needed my friends and fam sooo bad only 2 days from the day my Mother passed away I was shattered and I was depressed. I have now got better friends, friends that know me and like me for who I am that don't need to tell others what they don't like about me. They can just tell me what they feel to my face. Like good friends do. Honesty and hard knocks, even but the truth is better than a fake smile.
My Momma told me "Misery Loves Company", Oh Lord, no she told me to forgive and forget but she told my sister and that counts for something. Not to waste time with people who can not be happy.(She said no pity parties). Some times I wonder why Mom gave me different advice. Maybe because of the amount of friends that have forgiven me for my harsh words I too should forgive. Is that even comparable to talking behind someones back. People who won't even help you when you have no one else who can help. People who you would do anything for. Your friend calls you tells you that they are stranded in BFE I put my bank acct in the hole going to get them and feed them when there other friends left them to starve literally. These are bridges that I built up with one tiny pebble at a time and they were burned down to the ground overnight with one sentence of disrespect or maybe hours of hating behand my back I won't ever know.So do I accept them back and just watch every little thing I tell them Mindiing my p's and q's to know that if I breathe wrong it could be held against me for all fucking eternity.
On another note sticking up for people who dont deserve it. Ok totally different situation different people different place but same situation. People talking shit about there kin. (yes your kin too) You stand up for them you know they don't really deserve it but the person your talking to does deserve to sleep at night not cry for the love of their kin. You stand up for them But do they do the same for you when you are not around.
Hell no they do not.
Ever Ever even to your face they wont help you. Then one day you know they will need you but will you then be there. Well you would if they called you but Lord knows they are too narcissistic to even call. Your live had been altered and changed you dragged them out of the hell hole that had become their life and told them to change or else it could be tragic. They did... Now you need them. But you owe them money or your not as perfec as them. Your not as Godly or what ever guilt they hold over your head It is not you. It is them. So you are now nothing to them because even though you helped them out of a rut you dragged them back on the wagon the best you could. Because the Lord knows they have to want it. But that don't count for shit. Sorry cant help you.
So there you go people I just answered my own question. NO they will not be there for you. No matter how much you try no matter how much you do right if the shoe was on the other foot they would not help you if you were dying on the side of the road they might say.... Let Nature take its course. If you are reading this and you think it applies to you then it probably does.
As you know my family means so much to me that I will forgive you no matter what. But you are going to have to call me if thats what you want. You will have to make it happen from now on I am not going out of my way for haters that only have negative things to say about me behind my back. If you think that what you say to others about me... stays in the confines of that text message or phone call think again hunny. Think again kin.
If I haven't called in a while its probably because your words did not stay where you left them. For all you religious people who think this does not apply to you because The Lord is watching over you, I have a scripture for you too.
John 8:32 the truth will set you free ... Do you feel free?
It has set me free and you can't guilt me, burden me, or make me feel bad for protecting my soul. For you historians and atheists who feel like that does not apply to you. Here is one for you if your heart is as light as a feather you will live forever. If not then well you'll have to read on to find out what the ancients believe. http://www.ancient.eu/article/42/
Life is most definitely too short to cry over spilled milk but it is also too short to listen to hasty haters that bitch about everyone else and as soon as you let them go they call someone else and bitch about you. So RIP to all the ones I lost RIP to Chris Cornell my heart is certainly not as light as a feather on this day or on any day for that matter but I try and meditate and let that hate and anger float on back to the back burner. There I can turn the fire up and let that pain, hate, loss and anger boil over and fizzle out. Maybe not today but one day I wont carry around the weight of the world. Thats because I have a few real friends and true fam that will never let me carry that burden alone, for too long. They have permission to slap it out of me if need be.
But for my good friends that have forgave me for my wrongs thank you (KJT, KJG, MPM),
For my great friends that stick up for me behind my back even if I dont deserve it. That is how it is supposed to be.
For the few people who could not stand to watch me get beat up as a child stuck up for me THANKS a Million I owe u big. I am here for you forever more you know who you are! Oddly there are quite a few. If you unburden your soul maybe it will feel as light as a feather. I already feel better. Maybe that is all we need to do is tell someone else that will balance the back stabbing scales. Now, I did not mention any names but you know who you are. If someone is reading this as advice I have learned that the words of that song The Gambler YOU GOTTA KNOW WHEN HOLDEM ... is soo true I am not saying dont forgive but when you do you better watch what you say because Leopards don't change their spots. They can change their diet and they can change a lot but if they burned you that many times. BE AWARE they truly don't care. Oh did I hurt your feelings? Well I didnt know you were that sensitive. DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA someone I used to know told me life is too short for all that drama, I am cutting it out like a cancer.
